The Apocoholics Dictionary

Barry has the translation guide for newbies. Here’s a sample:

Apple: A fictitious company that does not exist.

BLS: A secret society of mathematicians and statistical wonks conspiring to falsify economic data, formerly known as the the sect of Opus Dei; See also Birth Death Adjustment.

Bernanke, Ben: Beelzebub

Bonds: An asset class that will eventually be worthless paper as its value is inflated away, but in the meantime, are a good alternative to equities.

Bubble: A catchall phrase used to describe any market not in freefall.

China: The centrally planned communist economy that is the model for Free Market Economies in the West. alt. An idealized form of Capitalism;

Death Cross: The most reliable and certain technical formation known to man. See also Golden Cross: An old wives’ tale, not to paid attention to or taken seriously at all.

Depression: The current state of economic affairs; See also Pornography.

European Union (EU): A soon to be dissolved association of Socialist states, whose sole purpose is to mislead investors into believing the United States is (comparatively) fiscally responsible. See also EuroFASB: A criminal legal enterprise of accountants whose members help banks hide massive losses;

Fiat Currency: The root of all evil

FOMC: Fertilizer for the root of all evil

Gold: A shiny yellow metal used primarily as an excuse for missing a generational rally in equities.

It’s funny because it’s true. Check out the whole thing.

Posted by on October 15th, 2010 at 9:21 am

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