From The Onion’s Stockwatch

You never know.

JPMorgan Chase (JPM)

$34.90 (+$0.72) (+ 2.1%) The financial world was shaken today when CEO Jamie Dimon stated that the Occupy Wall Street movement had significantly eaten into the banking titan’s profits, announced Chase would have to drastically reformulate its business plan, and then paused a beat before saying, just kidding, they made a record $17.4 billion last year.

Posted by on November 29th, 2011 at 6:19 pm

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