Banking Industry On Hard Times

The Onion:

The banking industry is being hit hard by the subprime loan collapse. Bank of America laid off 3,000 workers and Merrill Lynch posted its first quarterly loss in six years. What are banks doing to make up the loses?
Increasing ATM fees to $601.95
Coffee temperature turned way down
Launching paid subscription websites featuring hilarious and/or deadly bank robbery videos
Limiting branch hours to noon until 12:15
Taking anything valuable from safe deposit boxes that appear not to have been opened in a while
For fee, will open cash vaults for money-bathing purposes
Charging more for crisp bills
So long as CEOs continuing to make shitloads, not too much

Posted by on October 31st, 2007 at 2:31 pm

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